The problem with the modern love marketplace is that the participants assume they know exactly what they want.
Everything changes, including the way we seek and experience love, says my guest this hour. If you think love hurts, you’re not alone. And there are new reasons it hurts, says Eva Illouz. Very contemporary reasons. All the time and options we have, she says, get tricky.
Internet dating makes it a digital market. Market forces can be rough on the heart. Our self-worth gets chained to a very slippery dream. Men and women are less equally empowered now, she says, in matters of the heart.
This hour, On Point: modern times, and why love hurts.
Illouz’z new book is Why Love Hurts.
Greg, a 38-year-old writer from Melbourne, started adult life shy and lonely. ”In my 20s, the women had the total upper hand. They could make or break you with one look in a club or bar. They had the choice of men, sex was on tap and guys like me went home alone, red-faced, defeated and embarrassed. The girls only wanted to go for the cool guys, good looks, outgoing personalities, money, sporty types, the kind of guys who owned the room, while us quiet ones got ignored.”
He barely had a date through much of his 20s and gave up on women. But then he spent time overseas, gained more confidence, learnt how to dress well and hit his early 30s. ”I suddenly started to get asked out by women, aged 19 through to 40. The floodgates burst open for me. I actually dated five women at once, amazing my flatmates by often bedding three to four of my casual dates each week. It is a great time as a male in your 30s, when you start getting more female attention and sex than you could ever have dreamt of in your 20s.”
I guess life begins at 30 for us shy bloggers, right fellas? — …fel. Fellas? Where’d everyone go?