Facebook Data Tells Us What We Already Know About Human Nature

These Facebook Data posts about relationships is like when OKCupid did the same data analysis. It confirms what you may already believe to be true.

For example, timeline posts go way down between couples after they’ve declared themselves to be in a relationship:

We studied the group of people who changed their status from “Single” to “In a relationship” and also stated an anniversary date as the start of their relationship. During the 100 days before the relationship starts, we observe a slow but steady increase in the number of timeline posts shared between the future couple. When the relationship starts (“day 0”), posts begin to decrease.

singlemessageratio

On top of that, when someone declares themselves out of a relationship there’s an immediate spike of posts directed to them within the first couple days, followed by waves of people messaging them.

waves

We all know what this is. I see people, usually women, declare themselves out of a relationship, and then the wolves come out to sniff around, trying to pick her up but disguising it as support.

Of course, there’s no reason to put that on your timeline unless that’s what you WANT to have happen. It’s a prime opportunity for rebounds.

The Star Wars Test

From Stop Podcasting Yourself 297.


JJ: My last girlfriend…she’d never seen Star Wars. What a pitiful experience it was to watch…because I thought it was gonna be exciting because I thought she was pretty cool. We get along great!…She’s 29 years old and we start to watch Star Wars and about two minutes in she just turned to me and goes, “If this wasn’t famous I would’ve turned it off by now.” It was an uphill battle. She didn’t even realize it was Harrison Ford, either! About halfway through the film she asked, “Is that Harrison Ford?” I was like, “Yes! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

GC: Did she also not realize that you were excited by this, watching this together, and she should’ve just been amenable instead of being a bitch about it? Just have been like, “Oh, this is a thing you like! I will watch it and if I don’t like it I will keep it to myself.”

JJ: Where are these women that you speak of?

DS: Or fall asleep. That’s not too rude.

GC: But also, just watch the thing. I’ve watched a lot of movies in the name of love that I had no interest in watching, watched from start to finish. And then complain about it to somebody else later, not to the person who loves this movie! I can’t believe she just turned around right away and was like “Stinkeroo!”

JJ: Two robots in the desert? Is that Harrison Ford?

DS: No that’s C3PO.

JJ: Is that Harrison Ford?

DS: No, that’s the Death Star.

GC: Well, you know what? Better off without her.

DS: …is she single now?


The test is not “does she like Star Wars?” We KNOW you probably won’t. The test is, “If I watch Star Wars with her is she just going to whine about it the whole time?”

I have failed this test with things that are not Star Wars. Downtown Abbey. Duck Dynasty. Shark Week. I couldn’t just sit there. Three strikes and I was out.

“Mr. Right, It Turns Out, Does Not Take Classes”

On the hidden-agenda of adult education.

But why are many of the city’s classes dominated by women?

“Men separate the social aspect from the fitness aspect,” said Mr. Silverman of JackRabbit Sports. “Women look at that at the same time.”

At the Golf Club at Chelsea Piers, women call to find out about the male-female ratio in group classes. Greta Wagner, the general manager, said that men, thinking that they do know or should know how to play, “are more apt to take private lessons.”

Women hoping to both learn the game and to mingle would be wise to attend the club’s socials and stay to practice after group lessons, Ms. Wagner said. “There’s a lot of very handsome men on the tee line.”

Mr. Silverman said that, in general, men seek instruction when they want to push through a triathlon or get turned on to a highly technical sport like cycling.

“The more intense the goal,” he said, “the more male participation.”

I Look At Ads: Christian Mingle

Xtianmingle

INT: Offices of Christian Mingle. Meeting room. Executives are in the middle of prayer

Exec 1: And Lord, please bless the offices of Christian Mingle and this strategy meeting, for us to better spread your love and your word. Amen.
All: Amen.
Exec 1: Brothers in Christ, allow me to introduce this new face at our table. This is brother Gregory.
All: (Nice to meet you, Gregory / Hi Gregory / Such a pleasure to have you here, Gregory)
Gregory: Uh, yeah – hi everyone. Please just call me Greg.
Exec 2: We are blessed to have brother Gregory join us at Christian Mingle. Gregory comes to us from Zynga, the Sodom and Gomorrah of Internet companies.
Gregory: Yeah, I guess you could say I was lost, but now I’m found, right?

Greg nervously laughs

Exec 3: Yes Gregory, and we at Christian Mingle are fortunate to have found you.
Exec 2: We can’t wait to hear your ideas about how to increase new registrations this quarter.
Exec 1: We believe that to best spread the message of Christ there is no better alternative than…what shall we call it? …hmm. “Cultural Eugenics.”
Gregory: Yeah, ok. Well, why don’t we start by talking about why registration rates have been on a steady decline?
Exec 1: Of course, Gregory. This has been a conundrum for some time. Every night I pray, hoping that our Lord may help me find an answer to this question. But alas, he has provided me no insight.
Exec 2: It is as if our lord has forsaken us.
Exec 3 (angered): NO! Did he forsake Daniel in the lion’s den? Did he forsake Abraham? Did he forsake Noah?
Greg: …I don’t really know. I’m not reli—
Exec 1: Even bible scholars debate these questions today. I believe we have not been forsaken, for we now have the insight of brother Gregory.
Greg: Like I said before, “Greg” is fine—
Exec 3: Brother Gregory, what new perspectives do you bring?
Greg: Well, over the weekend I reviewed Christian Mingle’s branding and other outreach methods.
Exec 2: I suspect you found them all top-notch. We baptized the laptop we created the landing pages on.
Exec 1: But that broke it, so we had to dip into our venture funding and buy a new laptop.
Exec 3: Yes, the cleansing waters of God’s love are too strong for electronics, particularly ones involved with the sinful viewing of pornographic material.
Exec 2: I confessed my sin!
Greg: Gentlemen, have you ever thought of what makes a good dating site? Where did you meet your wives?
Exec 1: Well, CHURCH of course! The church raffle fundraiser.
Exec 3: As a priest I am not allowed to have relations with a woman. I think of this sacrifice every day of my life.
Exec 2: I am not married, but my born-again girlfriend and I have been engaged for seven years. She has been through a lot. Crack addiction, prostitution. But God’s everlasting love brought us together.
Exec 1: Indeed. This is blessed news.
Exec 2: Well, it has not been perfect. I wonder if God is testing me. We sometimes argue about why she pushes our marriage so far into the future, or why she only visits when she needs money. Honestly, I look forward to losing my virginity to her on our wedding night…But lust is a sin and the flesh can wait. I’ve been waiting seven years. I can wait seven more.

Greg opens his briefcase and removes some printouts, placing them on the conference table

Greg: Gentleme—BROTHERS! Have you ever looked at the banner ads we run?
Exec 1: Of course. We designed them ourselves.
Greg: I suggest we redesign them. I believe they are entirely inappropriate for a dating site.
Exec 3: But this is a CHRISTIAN dating site!
Exec 2: What better way to let people know that than with our current banner ads featuring imagery of Jesus on the cross?!
Greg: I don’t think that’s the right message to send. Not for a dating site.
Exec 1: Well, we do! Right off the bat! BOOM! Christian imagery. Christ on the cross.
Exec 3: And right underneath, copy that reads, “He died for your sins. christianmingle.com.”
Exec 2: Yeah. That tells people, “Click this for Jesus. He died for your sins, but he loves you and wants you to be happy with other Christians.”
Exec 3: But strictly for procreation!
Exec 1: Flirting isn’t a sin.
Greg: I think we need to do something different…we need to make the ads…sexier. Maybe feature some of our female members.
Exec 2: But then people will think—people will think this is a HOOKUP site! We may as well change the name of the company!
Exec 3: Right! CHRISTIANFRIENDFINDER DOT COM.
Exec 1: Our mission is to unite people in the pursuit of making more Christians.
Exec 2: Ok – COMPROMISE. We remove the image of Christ, but maybe we put up an image of some hooded monks or something.
Exec 3: That CHANT album from 20 years ago did that and they sold boatloads!
Exec 1: What about if we make the ad about the end result? Beautiful Christian children! We can put little halos atop their heads so people will know they’re Christians!
Greg: If we put up some female imagery we can attract some male clientele.
Exec 1: But then how will we know they’re Christians?
Greg: Simple. We ask them…right in the profile. And if they say they’re muslim, agnostic, or jewish or something else—
Exec 2: Like PAGAN?! Or WICCAN?
Greg: Especially Wiccan – then we simply don’t allow the registration process to continue.

Silence as the team thinks this through

Exec 1: …you know, this could work. Maybe a little message comes up saying, “Christ loves you, but not this much. Come back when you’re a Christian.
Exec 3: And then we cookie their computer, block it, and excommunicate them.
Greg: Yeah, okay, sure. But the main thing is we need to put up some sexy Christian women on the advertising…sexy, but tasteful. And we target men on Facebook.
Exec 1: And on the landing page we ask two questions. #1 – “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?” And #2 – “Would you like to meet some Christian chicks?”

Exec 2 raises his hand

Exec 2: …what is the Church’s position on someone in a committed relationship signing up for the service?

“All my exes live in texts”

On breakups in the facebook era, although I question if this is really social media’s fault and more about snooping exes who just can’t help themselves.

I have 700 friends on Facebook, 36 of whom I consider exes.

Is that a lot? That’s just the people on Facebook.

Er, anyway.

Note the part about the guy who “fades away” – he’s the only one in the story treating breakups as an adult and moves on…besides the way he broke up, if you believe they were actually in a relationship.

You don’t need to be a bitch

On “Why Men Love Bitches”:

The truth is that men are attracted to bitches, but we don’t love them because they are bitches; we just love women that happen to be bitches. In other words, men are attracted to bitches for a quality other than their bitchiness – a quality that any woman (bitch or not) can have. A similar thing is true of women who like “assholes.” They only like those men because they are also strong, or confident, or powerful. They don’t like them because they are assholes, they like them in spite of their being assholes.

“Yes, Men Do Leave the Market”

Sometimes men just stop looking for dates.

The reason is the expected rate of return of your precious, finite, and perpetually dwindling time. If you go out, hot as you may be when you’re 18, you have little to no control over succeeding in getting a girl’s number or a date. And as experience will tell you it’s a 1/20 shot you will succeed, and that’s assuming you have good game. All in all, I would estimate most 20 somethings waste an equivalent to 4 full years of full time work chasing girls to relatively little avail. A significant opportunity cost.

The X-Box 360 on the other hand is a guaranteed rate of return.

I have been meaning to spend more time with my Xbox 360.

How to Date Emotionally Stable, Amazing Women

Read this, then send it to your single guy friends who are always having problems with women. The problems aren’t always with the women they date…it’s within. It takes two to tango.

If you ever catch yourself thinking phrases such as: “If I do X then she will think Y,” or “What did she mean by that?” or “What is she trying to make me think about her?” or “I never know exactly how she feels about me,” or “She says A but she does B,” then let her go. It’s bad enough being in a romantic situation where the emotions and sexual interest are ambiguous — that means that one or both of you is incapable of expressing yourselves coherently. But once the meaning of the behavior itself becomes ambiguous, well, that means one or both of you is attempting to manipulate the other one and you’re setting yourself up for disaster. It may not happen right away. It may not even happen soon. But one day, you’re in for a disaster. You’ve been warned.

I left the love of my life because I thought I could do better. Now I’m childless and alone at 42

CLARA from the FIRST GRADE! I’m SORRRY! I’m SOOOOO SORRRRY!! I never wanted to hurt you! YOU CAN HAVE THE BEAN BAG CHAIR! PLEEAAAAAAASE COME BACK!1

Still though, there is a case to be made about foregoing the search for Mister/Misses perfect.