Finger Condoms

Ready for action

It was a vegetable accident. Last saturday I was cutting a cucumber on a mandolin, wasn’t watching what I was doing, and sliced off the fingertip of my right middle finger.

It hurt a lot. There was a lot of blood. I almost passed out from the sight of it. I needed to get immediate medical attention. I couldn’t drive. Had to call my mom and dad — hadn’t done that for an accident since junior high.

I brought the finger tip with me thinking that maybe they could reattach it. But they didn’t. “This tissue isn’t viable” they said. And it went into the garbage. Part of me wonders if the PA (or whoever) thought, “It’s SATURRRDAAYYYYY! I ain’t sewin’ SHIT!” as they tossed my perfectly viable fingertip into the trash.

Later the nurse cleaning up the room offered it back to me. “Sometimes people want this stuff back.” I declined.

They put some kind of gel foam stuff on the finger to stop the bleeding. Now I have to dress the wound with a non-stick pad and wrap it up. I can’t get it wet. So I have to wear these finger condom things when I shower.

In 7 days I can see what happens if it gets wet. I should be back to normal in about a month, they said.