“I Hate Fancy Beer and So Do You” by Patrick Smith

“Bartender, what’s on tap?”
“Bud. Bud Light.”
“I’ll have the latter, kind sir. And draw one for yourself, barkeep.”
“Thanks, mac! That’ll be two bucks.”

See? Civilized and economical. But today, in the age of pricey, twee beers, here’s what we’re reduced to:

“Bartender, what’s on tap?”
“There’s the list, next to you.”
“This one?”
“No, that’s the phone book. The big one there, next to it.”
“Ah. Yes. Hmm… I’ll have … uh … ”
“Hey, pal. You gonna order a beer or you gonna read?”
“Uh … sure! I’ll have … um … what’s this? I’ll have an Atomic Wedgie.”
“IPA or Blueberry?”
“Blueberry Atomic Wedgie, please.”
“Sure. That’ll be nine bucks.”

I don’t hate fancy beer, but I don’t dislike those other beers either and don’t want to feel like an asshole because I don’t want the 7% pale-ale that makes me hate myself the next morning all the time.

I think the appeal of expensive craft beer has spread on two things:

  1. The quality of the product
  2. People willing to put their ego behind that quality and feel superiority because they drink something that doesn’t taste like warm pee to them.