I’m old. I go to Walmart and punch little kids with my keys.

I think there’s a connection between hedonism and getting so old you just don’t give a shit anymore.

A $150,000 bond has been set for the 68-year old man accused of punching kids in the back of the head at Walmart while their parents weren’t looking.

Ralph would put his keys between his knuckles and wack children while their parents were entranced by Walmarts fabulous bargains. He said he did it for “the thrill” of getting away with it, and that he’d been doing it since January. His lawyer say he has mental health issues.

I imagined he was doing it to 12-15 year old punks. But we’re talkin’ 6-year olds.

6-year olds, dude.

Via by way of #