The Wind Waker Sucks

Summarize The Wind Waker in one sentence or more.

Terrible piece of crap.

Okay, a little harsh. The Wind Waker is an alright game, but as a Zelda game it’s terrible. Chris told me that he’s replaying it. I don’t know why he wants to put himself through this kind of torture again.

For one thing, Link is always on the ocean, and the ocean takes forever to travel on, even when summoning the warp with the wind waker. Ad-nauseum journeys are a common thing in Zelda games, but there’s NOTHING TO DO while reaching your destination. In other Zelda games you might attack enemies and explore the map. In Wind Waker you can point the King of Red Lions in the direction you want to go, leave for 5 minutes, come back, and you might be at an island you wanted to go to. Creatures on the ocean pose virtually no threat…and if they did it might even be worse, since attacking them on the ocean is a pain in the ass.

The ocean travel is bad enough as it is, but then you have to account for the wind and it’s even worse. If the wind is blowing northwest and I accidentally pass my destination (like sunken treasure) I can’t just turn around. I have to conduct a stupid theme, point the wind in the right direction, and repeat until I get what I’m looking for. It takes too much fricken time, it’s frustrating…this is not why people play video games

Sidequests suck too. Because heart pieces are buried throughout the ocean I felt no need to try to find every one. I had one row of hearts, plus one more heart. I didn’t want to use the PictoBox at all. I didn’t want to gather golden feathers, or hunt for Joy Pendants, or try to hook up the walking doofus with the braindead woman by the Chu-Chu jelly shop. Screw ’em. I want this to be over so I can move on.

Near the end you have to collect Triforce pieces. Wonderful! We’re getting somewhere…except at first you don’t find the pieces. You find maps to the pieces. And then you have to get the maps translated. What a horrible way to water down gameplay. Ugh. Kept making me think of David Cross going “Hey, is this the line for the beer or the line for the tickets to get the beer?”

And the response was, “I don’t know…faggot.”

That’s what playing The Wind Waker is like.

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1 thought on “The Wind Waker Sucks”

  1. I agree with you.

    Totally.

    Ocarina was a dream, while this crap is, well, crap.

    Screw the ocean, screw the King of Red Lions, screw the Tri-fucking-force hunt at the end ( that’s what killed my spirit ) .

    I’m going Twilight Princess now.

    Bye forever, Wind Waker!

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