Web Developers Have To Know A Lot Of Shit

Scenario 1: Author

Salesperson: What do you want to do with your computer? Customer: I want to finally write that book I’ve been wanting to write for the past 30 years. Salesperson: Awesome. So, to get started you’ll need a Mac or a PC and a Word Processing program, such as Microsoft Word. Customer: That’s all I need? Salesperson: Yeah…the computer is going to have a mouse and a keyboard with it. I would probably buy a book on style and a dictionary…but it’s likely that your computer will have a dictionary in it anyway, and if you don’t already have a book on style or know how this book is going to be written then you probably shouldn’t be a writer in the first place. You might also consider getting a printer.

Customer: Cool, thanks!

Scenario 2: Web Developer/Designer

Salesperson: What do you ant to do with your computer? Customer: I’ve got this great idea for a website! Salesperson: Uh-huh…? Customer: So, uh, I want to make a website. Salesperson: Alright. Good, good. So you want to write a website. Really any text editor will do it. Customer: I can make a website with just a text editor? Salesperson: Yeah…you know HTML, right? Customer: HTM what? Salesperson: That’s how websites are made. In HTML, although nowadays it’s, not acceptable to style the site in HTML, so you should know CSS. Customer: CSS!? I love that show? Crime Scene…Something. Salesperson: No. CSS – Cascading Style Sheets. It’s how you determine how a web site should look, whether it has a liquid or fixed width, how the headings and paragraphs appear. All that stuff. Customer: … Salesperson: CSS is pretty easy…it’s just that the brackets are a bit different. You could just buy something like Dreamweaver too, but you should know how to code before you dive into that, as it’s pretty shitty if you don’t know what you’re doing. Customer: What do you mean? Salesperson: Well, it would kind of be like getting a car so you can get someplace faster, but not knowing how to read street signs or even be able to drive said car. Customer: Ok. It’ll also be a site where I can sell stuff. Salesperson: Oh! You should also be familiar with a dynamic programming language. Customer: The only language I know is English. Salesperson: There’s PHP, ASP…things like that. And since you’ll need pictures you should probably get an image editor, digital camera…you know, RGB 72 ppi! Customer: I just want to sell stuff. Salesperson: What do you sell? Customer: Toys…for dogs. Dog toys. It’ll probably be www dogtoys.com. Salesperson: Is that domain still available? Customer: Domain? Salesperson: Sir, have you taken a look at a Macintosh? They come with iWeb. You can create a site like that and put your phone number on it for people to call you for toys. Customer: Sounds good! Salesperson; There’s also Rapidweaver. In some ways it’s a lot better than – Customer: GO AWAY!

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